how to help your child with homework without doing it for them

How to help your kids with homework (without doing it for them)

Lecturer in the Faculty of Education, Monash University

Lecturer, Monash University

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The authors do not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and have disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.

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Parents are a child’s first and most important teachers . Parent involvement in their child’s learning can help improve how well they do in school. However, when it comes to helping kids with homework, it’s not so simple.

While it’s important to show support and model learning behaviour, there is a limit to how much help you can give without robbing your child of the opportunity to learn for themselves.

Be involved and interested

An analysis of more than 400 research studies found parent involvement, both at school and at home, could improve students’ academic achievement, engagement and motivation.

School involvement includes parents participating in events such as parent-teacher conferences and volunteering in the classroom. Home involvement includes parents talking with children about school, providing encouragement, creating stimulating environments for learning and finally – helping them with homework.

Read more: What to do at home so your kids do well at school

The paper found overall, it was consistently beneficial for parents to be involved in their child’s education, regardless of the child’s age or socioeconomic status. However, this same analysis also suggested parents should be cautious with how they approach helping with homework.

Parents helping kids with homework was linked to higher levels of motivation and engagement, but lower levels of academic achievement. This suggests too much help may take away from the child’s responsibility for their own learning.

Help them take responsibility

Most children don’t like homework. Many parents agonise over helping their children with homework. Not surprisingly, this creates a negative emotional atmosphere that often results in questioning the value of homework.

Homework has often been linked to student achievement, promoting the idea children who complete it will do better in school. The most comprehensive analysis on homework and achievement to date suggests it can influence academic achievement (like test scores), particularly for children in years seven to 12.

But more research is needed to find out about how much homework is appropriate for particular ages and what types are best to maximise home learning.

Read more: Too much help with homework can hinder your child's learning progress

When it comes to parent involvement, research suggests parents should help their child see their homework as an opportunity to learn rather than perform. For example, if a child needs to create a poster, it is more valuable the child notes the skills they develop while creating the poster rather than making the best looking poster in the class.

Instead of ensuring their child completes their homework, it’s more effective for parents to support their child to increase confidence in completing homework tasks on their own.

Here are four ways they can do this.

1. Praise and encourage your child

Your positivity will make a difference to your child’s approach to homework and learning in general. Simply, your presence and support creates a positive learning environment.

Our study involved working with recently arrived Afghani mothers who were uncertain how to help their children with school. This was because they said they could not understand the Australian education system or speak or write in English.

However, they committed to sit next to their children as they completed their homework tasks in English, asking them questions and encouraging them to discuss what they were learning in their first language.

In this way, the parents still played a role in supporting their child even without understanding the content and the children were actively engaged in their learning.

2. Model learning behaviour

Many teachers model what they would like their students to do. So, if a child has a problem they can’t work out, you can sit down and model how you would do it, then complete the next one together and then have the child do it on their own.

3. Create a homework plan

When your child becomes overly frustrated with their homework, do not force them. Instead, together create a plan to best tackle it:

read and understand the homework task

break the homework task into smaller logical chunks

discuss how much time is required to complete each chunk

work backwards from the deadline and create a timeline

put the timeline where the child can see it

encourage your child to mark completed chunks to see the progress made on the task

4. Make space for homework

Life is busy. Parents can create positive study habits by allocating family time for this. This could mean carving out one hour after dinner for your child to do homework while you engage in a study activity such as reading, rather than watching television and relaxing. You can also create a comfortable and inviting reading space for the child to learn in.

Parents’ ability to support their child’s learning goes beyond homework. Parents can engage their child in discussions, read with them, and provide them with other ongoing learning opportunities (such as going to a museum, watching a documentary or spending time online together).

Economics Editor

Deputy Vice-Chancellor (Indigenous Strategy and Services)

Director and Chief of Staff, Indigenous Portfolio

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Lecturer / senior lecturer in construction and project management.

Help your child with homework (without doing it yourself)

Sometimes you run out of patience, sometimes you run out of time, and sometimes you just want to make sure your child is successful. Whatever the reason, it’s easy for parents to overstep when it comes to homework.

But completing your child’s homework ultimately doesn’t do them any favors — in fact, there’s evidence that lots of parental involvement with homework can actually backfire. Instead, parents should recognize that homework exists to help children better understand the topics they’re learning in class. Letting kids figure it out for themselves, including making mistakes along the way, is an important part of the process. Beyond the academic benefits, allowing a child to complete homework alone helps him gain important life skills like self-sufficiency, problem-solving and time management.

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That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be involved at all. The key is to provide support and guidance while setting boundaries and reinforcing that homework is your child’s responsibility, not yours. Try these strategies to help your child do their homework without doing it for them.

Set up a homework routine.

Help your child get assignments done with less angst (or tears) by setting up and maintaining a homework routine. Figure out when your child is best able to concentrate — that may be right after school or scheduled activities, or he may need an hour of downtime at home before returning to school work. If your child spends time with an after-school sitter or in an after-care program, decide how much homework should be completed during that time.

You’ll also need to choose a location in your home where your child can work with minimal distraction. Some children thrive at a desk in their bedroom, away from siblings and other family members; others happily and productively work at the dining room table or kitchen island while mom or dad makes dinner. Whatever spot works for your child, make sure school supplies are within reach.

Most importantly, homework time needs to be free of television, video games, cell phones, and other media. If your child needs to access to the Internet for certain assignments, make sure the computer is in a communal area. Set boundaries around which sites your child can visit, and determine together how much time actually needs to be spent surfing the web.

Let your child’s age determine how involved you are.

It’s natural for parents to be a bit more involved when young elementary school students are still new to the concept of homework. At this age, parents or a sitter should sit down with the child to review homework and make a plan about how to tackle it. Your child needs to be an active participant in this conversation, which will help them learn how to prioritize without you.

By the time children are in junior high and high school, parents should be largely removed from the nightly homework process. Instead, be available as needed to discuss ‘big picture’ details on assignments and projects.

Don’t hover during homework time.

Be a resource when it comes to homework, not a crutch. Give your child space while she completes her homework. Do your own thing — make dinner or send work emails — but be accessible. This will encourage her to try to solve more difficult problems on her own before seeking your help.

Review good study habits.

Completing homework assignments and having good study habits aren’t necessarily the same thing, especially as children get older. Study habits include understanding how to review classroom material, take notes, stay organized and prepare for long-term projects and exams.

Parents can help teach and reinforce good study habits. Try these suggestions:

1. Talk to your kids about how these skills relate to the real world. Good study habits early on can set a student up for academic and professional success.

2. Model the behaviors you want to see in your child. While you don’t need to start pouring over a physics textbook, let your child see you balance the monthly budget, read books for pleasure, work on a big professional project or even manage the family calendar.

3. Support study habits by being present and available. Run through flashcards, administer practice questions and actively listen when your child wants to talk about the material he is learning.

Focus on healthy habits. For children in the United States, it’s not uncommon to have several hours of homework each night as they advance in school, in addition to after-school activities, sports and other commitments. While making time and space for homework to happen is important, other habits, like sleep as well as a healthy diet, can contribute to a child’s academic success.

According to the National Sleep Foundation, first graders need up to 11 hours of sleep a night, while junior high and high school students need at least 8 hours. Over time, without sufficient sleep, kids’ attention spans and abilities to concentrate are likely to decrease. Set a bedtime for your child and stick to it. If homework is interfering with your child’s ability to get enough sleep, it may be time to talk to the teacher about whether or not the volume of homework is reasonable.

Figure out what the sticking point is. 

Kids learn in different ways and at different paces. Suggest and try different methods to figure out what type of learning works best for your child. For example, if your child is struggling with algebra, try drawing a diagram or a picture to see if a visual representation will clear things up.

If a child continues to have trouble with certain subjects, he may have missed a key foundational concept from earlier lessons. No amount of “toughing it out” will work in these situations, so you may need to review materials to determine what information needs to be reviewed. Enlist help, either from a teacher or a tutor, if your child needs additional support and one-on-one attention.

Communicate with the teacher.

You and your child’s teacher are a team dedicated to your child’s academic success — and like all relationships, communication is key.

When your child has an issue with homework, resist the urge to take over and talk to the teacher instead. Teachers don’t want parents completing their students’ homework, and they typically know when a parent has intervened on an assignment. If your child is consistently struggling with her work, she may need extra help. The teacher can provide this help or assist you in identifying the right resources.

In addition, if you’re concerned about too much homework (or even too little homework), reach out to the teacher. Whatever the problem, be diplomatic — your child will be with this teacher for an entire year, so it’s important to keep the lines of communication open and productive. Together, you’ll likely be able to solve whatever homework issues arise.

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How to Help Your Child with Their Homework Without Doing It for Them

Sandra Bloom

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Homework plays a crucial role in reinforcing the concepts that children learn in school, promoting independent learning and the development of problem-solving skills. However, many parents face the challenge of finding the right balance between offering assistance and doing the work for their child. While it’s important to be supportive, it’s equally important to encourage independence and critical thinking to help children grow academically and personally.

In this article, we’ll explore effective strategies that parents can use to help their children with homework without taking over the task, ensuring that the learning experience is meaningful and beneficial.

1. Create a Homework Routine

One of the best ways to help your child with homework is to establish a consistent homework routine . A structured routine provides clarity and helps children develop time management skills, ensuring that homework becomes a regular part of their day without feeling like an overwhelming task.

How to Set a Routine:

• Designate a specific time each day for homework, ideally when your child is most alert and focused (e.g., after a snack or short break).
• Create a distraction-free environment by setting up a dedicated workspace where your child can focus without interruptions from TV, toys, or other distractions.
• Break up longer homework sessions into smaller, manageable blocks of time with short breaks in between to keep them from feeling overwhelmed.

Why It’s Important : A homework routine builds structure and helps your child develop discipline, while also minimizing procrastination and last-minute stress.

2. Encourage Independence

It’s important to foster your child’s independence when it comes to homework. Encourage them to read and follow instructions on their own before asking for help. This approach builds self-reliance and helps them gain confidence in their ability to solve problems independently.

How to Encourage Independence:

• Before jumping in to help, ask, “ What do you think the instructions are asking? ” or “ What have you tried so far? “
• Encourage them to break down the task into smaller steps and tackle one step at a time.
• Avoid hovering; allow them to work through problems even if they struggle a little—it’s part of the learning process.

Why It’s Important : Encouraging independence empowers children to take ownership of their work and fosters a sense of responsibility.

3. Ask Open-Ended Questions

When your child is struggling with a particular problem, rather than providing the answer, ask open-ended questions that guide them toward finding the solution on their own. This approach promotes critical thinking and helps your child engage more deeply with the material.

Examples of Open-Ended Questions:

• “ What do you think will happen if you try this? “
• “ Why do you think this method might work? “
• “ Can you explain this problem in your own words? “

Why It’s Important : Open-ended questions encourage your child to think critically, process information more deeply, and arrive at their own solutions.

4. Be a Guide, Not a Solver

As a parent, your role is to act as a guide who helps facilitate learning, not as someone who solves every problem for your child. This means offering guidance when they’re stuck, but letting them do the majority of the thinking and problem-solving.

How to Be a Guide:

• Offer hints or suggestions when your child is confused, but avoid giving the answer outright.
• If they’re having trouble, say something like, “ Let’s review this part together. What do you think happens next? “
• Encourage them to refer to their class notes or textbooks before asking for your help.

Why It’s Important : Guiding your child instead of solving the problem for them reinforces the learning process and helps them develop resilience and problem-solving skills.

5. Provide Encouragement and Positive Reinforcement

Offering consistent encouragement and positive reinforcement helps build your child’s confidence and motivation. Acknowledge their efforts, even when they make mistakes, to show that persistence is more important than perfection.

How to Encourage:

• Celebrate their progress by saying things like, “ You’re working really hard on this. I’m proud of your effort! “
• Focus on their improvements, not just the outcome: “ I can see you’re really starting to understand this concept better. Great job! “
• Remind them that it’s okay to make mistakes and that struggling is part of learning.

Why It’s Important : Positive reinforcement helps children stay motivated and builds their confidence, especially when they are facing challenging tasks.

6. Help Them Develop Problem-Solving Strategies

Teaching your child problem-solving strategies can make homework less frustrating and help them approach tasks with confidence. These strategies may include breaking tasks into smaller steps, brainstorming possible solutions, or revisiting difficult problems after a short break.

Strategies to Teach:

• Encourage them to break down larger tasks into manageable steps and tackle one step at a time.
• Teach them to use checklists or visual organizers to keep track of what they need to do.
• If they’re stuck, suggest they revisit the problem later with a fresh perspective after a break.

Why It’s Important : Learning problem-solving strategies empowers children to tackle difficult tasks with confidence and helps them build a toolkit of skills for future challenges.

7. Review Instructions Together

Sometimes children struggle with homework simply because they didn’t fully understand the instructions. Reviewing instructions together can clarify expectations and help your child feel more confident about how to approach the task.

How to Review:

• Read the instructions aloud with your child and ask them to explain what they think they need to do.
• Break down complex instructions into simpler terms, and check for understanding: “ Does that make sense? What do you need to do first? “
• Encourage them to refer back to the instructions regularly to stay on track.

Why It’s Important : Reviewing instructions ensures that your child understands the task before they begin, preventing unnecessary frustration.

8. Provide Tools and Resources

Make sure your child has access to the necessary tools and resources to complete their homework successfully. This may include providing supplies , such as pencils, paper, and a calculator, as well as reference materials like dictionaries, textbooks, or online resources.

How to Help:

• Ensure their workspace is stocked with everything they need, including extra pencils, paper, or art supplies for projects.
• If they’re stuck, encourage them to use online resources or look up information in their textbooks to find answers.
• Show them how to use online research tools effectively, such as educational websites or reference apps.

Why It’s Important : Providing the right tools and resources ensures that your child has everything they need to succeed and teaches them how to find solutions independently.

9. Be Patient

Patience is key when helping your child with homework. Learning new concepts can be frustrating for children, and it’s important to remain calm and patient while they work through challenges. Showing patience also models the importance of persistence.

How to Be Patient:

• Give your child the time they need to think through a problem, even if it takes longer than expected.
• If they become frustrated, suggest taking a short break before returning to the task.
• Reassure them that it’s okay to struggle with difficult problems and that learning takes time.

Why It’s Important : Patience helps create a supportive learning environment where children feel safe to make mistakes and take their time to understand concepts.

10. Celebrate Successes

When your child completes a challenging homework assignment or improves in a specific subject, take the time to celebrate their success. Celebrating achievements reinforces positive behavior and motivates children to continue putting in effort.

How to Celebrate:

• Acknowledge both small and large achievements: “ I’m so proud of how hard you worked on this project! “
• Set up a reward system for completing homework consistently, such as extra playtime or a family activity.
• Encourage them to reflect on their success : “ How does it feel to have finished such a tough assignment? “

Why It’s Important : Celebrating successes reinforces the value of effort and encourages children to stay motivated in their academic pursuits.

Conclusion: Finding the Balance Between Helping and Teaching

Helping your child with homework without doing it for them is a delicate balance. By fostering independence , guiding them through problem-solving strategies , and providing the right tools and support, you can help your child develop the skills and confidence needed to succeed academically. The goal is to support your child’s learning process while allowing them to take ownership of their work. With the right approach, homework time can become a positive and productive experience that reinforces valuable life skills, from critical thinking to time management.

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How to help your kids with homework (without doing it for them)

Parents are a child’s first and most important teachers . Parent involvement in their child’s learning can help improve how well they do in school. However, when it comes to helping kids with homework, it’s not so simple.

While it’s important to show support and model learning behaviour, there is a limit to how much help you can give without robbing your child of the opportunity to learn for themselves.

Be involved and interested

An analysis of more than 400 research studies found parent involvement, both at school and at home, could improve students’ academic achievement, engagement and motivation.

School involvement includes parents participating in events such as parent-teacher conferences and volunteering in the classroom. Home involvement includes parents talking with children about school, providing encouragement, creating stimulating environments for learning and finally – helping them with homework.

Read more: What to do at home so your kids do well at school

The paper found overall, it was consistently beneficial for parents to be involved in their child’s education, regardless of the child’s age or socioeconomic status. However, this same analysis also suggested parents should be cautious with how they approach helping with homework.

Parents helping kids with homework was linked to higher levels of motivation and engagement, but lower levels of academic achievement. This suggests too much help may take away from the child’s responsibility for their own learning.

Help them take responsibility

Most children don’t like homework. Many parents agonise over helping their children with homework. Not surprisingly, this creates a negative emotional atmosphere that often results in questioning the value of homework.

Homework has often been linked to student achievement, promoting the idea children who complete it will do better in school. The most comprehensive analysis on homework and achievement to date suggests it can influence academic achievement (like test scores), particularly for children in years seven to 12.

But more research is needed to find out about how much homework is appropriate for particular ages and what types are best to maximise home learning.

Read more: Too much help with homework can hinder your child's learning progress

When it comes to parent involvement, research suggests parents should help their child see their homework as an opportunity to learn rather than perform. For example, if a child needs to create a poster, it is more valuable the child notes the skills they develop while creating the poster rather than making the best looking poster in the class.

Instead of ensuring their child completes their homework, it’s more effective for parents to support their child to increase confidence in completing homework tasks on their own.

Here are four ways they can do this.

1. Praise and encourage your child

Your positivity will make a difference to your child’s approach to homework and learning in general. Simply, your presence and support creates a positive learning environment.

Our study involved working with recently arrived Afghani mothers who were uncertain how to help their children with school. This was because they said they could not understand the Australian education system or speak or write in English.

However, they committed to sit next to their children as they completed their homework tasks in English, asking them questions and encouraging them to discuss what they were learning in their first language.

In this way, the parents still played a role in supporting their child even without understanding the content and the children were actively engaged in their learning.

2. Model learning behaviour

Many teachers model what they would like their students to do. So, if a child has a problem they can’t work out, you can sit down and model how you would do it, then complete the next one together and then have the child do it on their own.

3. Create a homework plan

When your child becomes overly frustrated with their homework, do not force them. Instead, together create a plan to best tackle it:

read and understand the homework task

break the homework task into smaller logical chunks

discuss how much time is required to complete each chunk

work backwards from the deadline and create a timeline

put the timeline where the child can see it

encourage your child to mark completed chunks to see the progress made on the task

4. Make space for homework

Life is busy. Parents can create positive study habits by allocating family time for this. This could mean carving out one hour after dinner for your child to do homework while you engage in a study activity such as reading, rather than watching television and relaxing. You can also create a comfortable and inviting reading space for the child to learn in.

Parents’ ability to support their child’s learning goes beyond homework. Parents can engage their child in discussions, read with them, and provide them with other ongoing learning opportunities (such as going to a museum, watching a documentary or spending time online together).

This article originally appeared on The Conversation .

Melissa Barnes

Former senior Lecturer, Early Years, Faculty of Education

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How to Help Children with Their Homework (Without Doing It Yourself)

📚 10 x Effective Ways to Help Your Child With Homework (Without Doing It for Them) 🌟

Published on: August 4, 2021

Help Your Child With Homework

You want to help your child with homework . But, navigating the challenges of homework with your child can feel like a tightrope walk 🎭. You want to support them effectively without taking over their learning process, right?

Many parents experience the struggle of wanting to help but not knowing the best approach 🤔. As educational experts, we’re here to guide you with proven strategies to support your child’s educational journey while encouraging their independence 👍.

1. Understand Your Roles 🎭

Help your child with home by clarifying that the homework is your child’s responsibility. Your role is to facilitate, not to do the work for them. Support them by being available to explain complex points or provide guidance, but let them lead their learning journey.

2. Highlight the Value of Homework 🌟

Homework often feels burdensome, especially in subjects that don’t immediately capture your child’s interest. Discuss with your child why homework is important—it teaches them to follow instructions, develops perseverance, and prepares them for future responsibilities. 🛠️

3. Promote Open Communication 🗣️

Encourage your child to share their academic challenges and successes. This openness can help you catch issues early and address them before they impact school performance. Maintaining open lines of communication is essential for effective support.

4. Establish a Homework Routine 🕰️

Consistency is key in building good study habits and help your child with homework. Help your child by establishing a regular time and place for homework that is free from distractions. Make sure this space is well-equipped with all the necessary supplies to keep them focused and organized. 📅🖋️

5. Plan the Homework Schedule 📓

Help your child with homework by developing a strategic approach to their assignments. Teach them to prioritize tasks and set aside specific times for studying. This helps manage their workload and minimizes the stress of last-minute cramming. 📈

6. Focus on Difficult Subjects 🧠

Identify subjects where your child may need extra help. Spend more time on these areas and consider enlisting a tutor if the challenges persist. This focused approach can make a significant difference in their understanding. 📘

7. Collaborate With Their School 🏫

Stay engaged with your child’s education by maintaining a strong connection with their school. Attend parent-teacher meetings, and make use of the resources and support offered by the school. Collaboration with educators is key to providing comprehensive support. 🤝

8. Maintain Positivity 😃

Your attitude towards homework can influence your child’s perception of it. Always approach homework time with positivity and patience. Encourage and motivate your child, showing them that challenges can be tackled effectively with a positive outlook.

9. Encourage Self-Reflection

Instill a habit of self-reflection in your child by asking them to evaluate their own work after completing homework. This encourages critical thinking and self-assessment, which are vital skills for academic and personal growth. 🤓

10. Use Technology Wisely

Utilize educational technology to make homework engaging. There are numerous apps and online platforms that can help clarify complex concepts through interactive learning. Just make sure to monitor screen time and choose educational content wisely. 🖥️

Final Thoughts

Implementing these strategies will help you provide invaluable support to your child’s educational needs without taking over their tasks. Remember, the goal is to empower them to become independent learners who feel confident tackling their homework on their own.

Bookmark this guide and share it with other parents who might find it helpful. And if you need further assistance or resources, consider reaching out to Pear Tree School. Our programs are designed to empower students to excel academically and develop crucial life skills. 🌟

Need more help? Contact Pear Tree School to explore how our educational programs can empower your child to excel. 🌟

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January 24, 2020

How to help your kids with homework—without doing it for them

by Melissa Barnes and Katrina Tour, The Conversation

Parents are a child's first and most important teachers . Parent involvement in their child's learning can help improve how well they do in school. However, when it comes to helping kids with homework, it's not so simple.

While it's important to show support and model learning behavior, there is a limit to how much help you can give without robbing your child of the opportunity to learn for themselves.

Be involved and interested

An analysis of more than 400 research studies found parent involvement , both at school and at home, could improve students' academic achievement, engagement and motivation.

School involvement includes parents participating in events such as parent-teacher conferences and volunteering in the classroom. Home involvement includes parents talking with children about school, providing encouragement, creating stimulating environments for learning and finally—helping them with homework.

The paper found overall, it was consistently beneficial for parents to be involved in their child's education, regardless of the child's age or socioeconomic status. However, this same analysis also suggested parents should be cautious with how they approach helping with homework.

Parents helping kids with homework was linked to higher levels of motivation and engagement, but lower levels of academic achievement. This suggests too much help may take away from the child's responsibility for their own learning.

Help them take responsibility

Most children don't like homework. Many parents agonize over helping their children with homework. Not surprisingly, this creates a negative emotional atmosphere that often results in questioning the value of homework.

Homework has often been linked to student achievement, promoting the idea children who complete it will do better in school. The most comprehensive analysis on homework and achievement to date suggests it can influence academic achievement (like test scores), particularly for children in years seven to 12.

But more research is needed to find out about how much homework is appropriate for particular ages and what types are best to maximize home learning.

When it comes to parent involvement, research suggests parents should help their child see their homework as an opportunity to learn rather than perform. For example, if a child needs to create a poster, it is more valuable the child notes the skills they develop while creating the poster rather than making the best looking poster in the class.

Instead of ensuring their child completes their homework, it's more effective for parents to support their child to increase confidence in completing homework tasks on their own.

Here are four ways they can do this.

1. Praise and encourage your child

Your positivity will make a difference to your child's approach to homework and learning in general. Simply, your presence and support creates a positive learning environment.

Our study involved working with recently arrived Afghani mothers who were uncertain how to help their children with school. This was because they said they could not understand the Australian education system or speak or write in English.

However, they committed to sit next to their children as they completed their homework tasks in English, asking them questions and encouraging them to discuss what they were learning in their first language.

In this way, the parents still played a role in supporting their child even without understanding the content and the children were actively engaged in their learning.

2. Model learning behavior

Many teachers model what they would like their students to do. So, if a child has a problem they can't work out, you can sit down and model how you would do it, then complete the next one together and then have the child do it on their own.

3. Create a homework plan

When your child becomes overly frustrated with their homework, do not force them. Instead, together create a plan to best tackle it:

• read and understand the homework task
• break the homework task into smaller logical chunks
• discuss how much time is required to complete each chunk
• work backwards from the deadline and create a timeline
• put the timeline where the child can see it
• encourage your child to mark completed chunks to see the progress made on the task

4. Make space for homework

Life is busy. Parents can create positive study habits by allocating family time for this. This could mean carving out one hour after dinner for your child to do homework while you engage in a study activity such as reading, rather than watching television and relaxing. You can also create a comfortable and inviting reading space for the child to learn in.

Parents' ability to support their child's learning goes beyond homework . Parents can engage their child in discussions, read with them, and provide them with other ongoing learning opportunities (such as going to a museum, watching a documentary or spending time online together).

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How to Help Your Kids with Homework without Doing it for Them

Homework – the bane of the average child’s life and, unfortunately, frequently the bane of yours.

When it comes to homework help, you can feel akin to standing before the stern headteacher of your own youth. You can find yourself questioning its validity and why homework is important.

The debate rages on about the pros and cons of homework, but there’s no escaping the fact that right now, today, your child has to complete theirs.

Short of sending in a note stating that the dog ate it, how can you help your primary-school child with their homework without doing it for them, or without causing tears – yours or theirs?

Is Homework Compulsory?

Technically, no. Schools are no longer required to set homework and should decide for themselves what their homework policy, including amounts, should be.

The Department for Education used to dictate that Key Stage 1 children should do one hour of homework per week rising to 30 minutes a night in Key Stage 2. This was abandoned in 2012. However, you’re not getting out of it that easily.

It may not be compulsory as far as the powers that be in government say, but it may well be compulsory in terms of what your child’s teacher says. And to them, that matters. If their ‘golden time’, house points or interaction with their teacher is in jeopardy by not doing homework, to them it’s as good as compulsory.

You also may have been required to sign a Home-School Agreement. Again, whilst these are no longer a legal requirement, many schools still use them.

So really, there’s no getting out of it. It has to be done. So how can you offer homework help without actually doing it yourself?

Giving Homework Help to Your Child

We’ll come on to the pros and cons of homework in the next section of this article. For now, let’s focus on how you can ensure that homework is productive and valuable to your child. Homework can be a battle, so let’s look at how to change that.

The vast majority of homework should be about consolidating skills. Once you understand this then it can help you get motivated behind it.

A good rule of thumb is: it shouldn’t be completely new concepts. You are the support, not the teacher, so don’t feel like you have to actively teach from scratch.

If it feels like that then go and have a word with the teacher as your child may have misunderstood or need further input.

Homework can also be good as a route to following the child’s own focus and interest within a broader topic. This type of homework can be a good foundation for secondary school homework in the future.

Homework is also a good way for you being in touch with what your child is learning at school.

Predominantly, homework for primary aged children should focus on three core skills: reading, writing (and spelling) and maths.

This is where you as a parent can really make a difference. With the best will in the world, a teacher cannot spend the time actively practising these skills to consolidate and extend them as you can 1:1 with your child.

Let’s look at each of these areas and how you can help:

Research from UCL has found that reading is more important for a child’s cognitive development than other factors such as their parents’ education level.

In fact, there is a 1 year advantage on reading performance for those kids who read for up to half an hour a day. These children go on to achieve higher results across the board in maths, spelling and vocabulary. Indeed, reading can be hugely important in improving spelling.

You’ll find, therefore, that most primary schools request that you read for around 15-20 minutes each day with your child.

That’s a tall order to fit into our busy lives. But there are some ways to help:

• Little and often is the easiest – do a little each day and build it into a regular routine. • Don’t just read books – reading practice can be anything from reading the rules of a game to information boards on a day out. • Take time to make it a love-filled ritual – books at bedtime with a discussion about what you like makes it a pleasure, not a chore. • Visit the library and make it a treat. • Use books as rewards – this way you can build your child a small library on topics that interest them.

Writing and Spelling:

A child will often develop as a writer as they develop as a reader. However, many children will bring home weekly spelling lists to learn.

The National Curriculum is now very clear about expectations for spelling – for lists relevant to the age of your child see here .

Encourage your child to write whenever and however they like. Gently reinforce basic rules of grammar. However, spellings are likely to be the main homework focus. Here are some tips for helping your child with their spelling homework:

• Little and often – again like reading, practice a little every day. This helps to cement the words. • Practice them in a sentence – this helps the child to correctly spell the word in their writing and not just perform for the test. • Use the Look, Cover, Write, Check method . • Use mnemonics such as Big Elephants Can Add Up So Easily (because). Make up your own for words your child struggles with. • Don’t use paper – write the words in playdoh, in the sand, type them out or chant the letters as walking up the stairs. • Get your child to test you and make deliberate mistakes. Get them to mark it. • Learn in letter steps. For example learn the first three letters, then the next three etc. • Use spelling apps such as Word Magic .

Maths is an area of homework which should very much be a consolidation of school learning. However, this can be tricky for parents who were taught these skills using considerably different methods.

Therefore, if your child’s school offers a workshop on how to use their methods then try to attend, or ask the teacher for a quick demo.

Maths often gets a bad rap and it’s the fear of it which makes it harder. Therefore, try to make maths homework time as positive and rewarding as possible.

Here are our top suggestions for helping with maths homework:

• Check out NationalNumeracy.org.uk and their Family Maths Toolkit (they also show you many of the current maths methods used in schools). • Use maths wherever and whenever you can, for example weighing ingredients, telling the time, or working out the change in a shop. It’s not just about sums on the page. • Let them make mistakes – the teacher needs to see where they are going wrong. • Go over the method with them but let them do the actual sums. • Take a step back if they are struggling. Reframe a similar question with smaller numbers and work up to what they actually need to do. • Prompt with questions such as ‘what do you think you should do next?’ rather than telling them what to do.

General Homework Boosts

As well as knowing how to help with specific subjects there are some pointers for making homework a positive and valuable experience in general.

• Be clear on what needs doing and schedule in the time. • Allocate a quiet spot with everything the child will need, including good light and the right equipment. • Be available – not to do it for them – but to show them it’s a priority and as a guide when needed. • Make sure they aren’t hungry, thirsty, or overly tired. Let them have a break and a snack after school before trying to get them stuck in. • Discuss your child’s day and how this homework relates. • Remove distractions such as the TV, background music, or even fidgety siblings. • Don’t be tempted to give the answer or take over. The learning is often about the process, not the finished piece. • Reward your child’s efforts as well as achievements.

When to Speak to School

Homework should be in partnership with the school. If you feel your child is spending too long on homework, getting too much, or doesn’t understand then speak to your child’s teacher. They may be able to suggest other strategies or explain which areas you should focus on.

Sometimes it may be enough to simply write a note to the teacher in the margin of their work, for example, that you helped and then the child did more sums by themselves. At other times you may need to talk directly to the teacher.

A final note

Of course, your motivation to help and support your child’s homework will largely be governed by your beliefs regarding the value of homework in itself.

The debate over the pros and cons of homework is still raging and new research is being conducted regularly in this area. But age and learning stage certainly play a part in the debate. This is particularly true with primary versus secondary school homework. Professor John Hattie, an education researcher, demonstrated that primary school homework has only a negligible effect on a student’s overall learning. However, at secondary school it is far more important.

There’s also the stress factor of homework. Homework can cause familial disagreements, time pressures, and less time for extracurricular activities. But, as with any degree of stress, this needs to be offset against the benefits. 

There are a range of pros and cons of homework, but what is important is that you know how to offer the homework help that your child needs. This in itself will make the homework valuable and an enriching and reinforcing exercise for your child.

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How to Help Kids With Homework

Helping your child with their homework is an opportunity to connect with them and improve their chances of academic success. As a parent, you can reinforce concepts taught in the classroom and nurture good study habits . Helping with homework shows your child that you believe their education is important.

What Is the Best Way I Can Help My Child With Homework?

You don’t need to be a certified teacher or an expert in a subject in order to help with homework. You can help by developing your child's time management skills, introducing strategies to stay organized, and offering words of encouragement. 

Here are some homework tips for parents:

• Know their teacher . Attending parent-teacher conferences, getting involved in school events, and knowing how to get in touch with your child’s teacher can help you better understand homework expectations.
• Family study time.  Set aside time every day for homework. Some kids do best by jumping into homework right after school, while others need a break and will be better focused after dinner. 
• Set a good example. Family study time gives you the opportunity to model studious behavior. Demonstrate the importance of organization and diligence by paying bills or planning your family’s budget during this shared time. Reading while your child completes their homework instills the idea that learning is a lifelong and enjoyable pursuit. Your example will be far more impactful than your lectures.
• Designate a homework space.  Having a designated space for homework can help your child stay on task. It should be well lit and have extra school supplies within reach.
• Help with time management.  If your student has a lot of homework, encourage them to break the workload into smaller and more manageable tasks. Create a schedule for the evening to ensure they get through their long to-do list , including opportunities for breaks.
• Don’t do the homework for them.  Helping your child with homework isn’t the same as doing your child’s homework. You can make suggestions, but your child must do the work for meaningful learning to take place. Have patience, allow them to struggle a little, and resist the urge to simply give them the answers.

How Do I Help a Child Struggling With Homework?

Struggling through challenges is an important part of learning. Research shows that something called “productive struggle” is essential to learning new concepts. Too much struggle, however, can be demoralizing and counterproductive. So where's the line drawn between productive struggling and counterproductive struggling? You know your child better than anyone, so trust your instincts and step in before your student becomes overwhelmed.  

Consider these tips if your child's struggling with homework:

• If your child's already stressed out or frustrated, start with taking a break.
• Engage your child in a conversation so you can understand where they're stuck 
• Offer hints or guidance to help them move forward
• Resist the urge to do their homework or give them the answers
• As soon as your child understands how to resolve the issue, step back and let them continue without your direct assistance
• Avoid stressful cramming and last-minute panic by helping your student plan ahead for tests and long-term assignments.
• Offer your child encouragement and praise them for their perseverance.
• Work on your own paperwork or read nearby as your child completes their homework to help them stay on task.
• Reach out to the teacher if additional assistance is needed and remind your child to ask questions at school when they're confused

Should I Help My Child With Math Homework?

Math is taught differently now than it was twenty or thirty years ago. The Common Core Standards are used in 41 states, and most other states follow the same principles even if they don’t call them the Common Core. Instead of memorizing specific ways to solve math problems, students today are asked to solve problems in several different ways and explain the strategy they used. 

For many parents, their child’s math homework seems complicated and confusing. The goal of this newer method, however, is a deeper understanding of mathematics. Just because you learned math in a different way doesn’t mean you can’t help with math homework. 

• Focus on non-academic help . You can help your student by offering encouragement, tracking assignments, and helping with time management. Create a distraction-free time and place for them to focus on their math homework. 
• Learn how it’s taught. Understand how math is taught at your child’s school. Some school districts offer parents a math night or online resources to help them better understand the way math is taught at schools.
• Reach out to the teacher. Ask the teacher for insight on how you can support your student at home. They might point you towards resources that align with their curriculum or offer additional help to your student at school.

At What Age Do You Stop Helping With Homework?

Some research has shown that the connection between student achievement and parental involvement in schoolwork is strongest in the elementary years but declines in middle school. By the time your child enters middle school, parents helping with homework can do more harm than good. At this stage, parental help with homework is associated with lower student achievement.

While you should be helping a lot less with homework, middle school isn't the time to retreat from your child's education. Non-homework forms of parent involvement are strongly associated with higher academic achievement. There are many ways you can support your middle schooler’s success. 

• Monitor assignments and test scores
• Attend school events
• Participate in parent-teacher conferences
• Ask questions about classes and what your child is learning
• Continue to encourage a regular study time and place at home

Ideally, you laid the groundwork in the elementary years and good study habits are well established by middle school. While your child will outgrow the need for your direct homework assistance, they'll never outgrow the need for your support and encouragement. 

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16 Jun How to Help Kids with Homework (Without Doing It for Them!)

How to Help Kids with Homework (Without Doing It for them!)

It’s hard to find anyone – child or parent – saying homework is their favourite thing. It’s natural, isn’t it? After a long day at school, so many activities and playtime are done, how can a child have the patience to sit down and go through the homework? And for parents returning after a tiring day, this is only a nightmare!

The result? You take up the homework and finish it quickly for your child or give them out all the answers as they absent-mindedly note down. Homework for kindergarten is elementary to finish this way. Everyone is happy – the child, the parents and the teacher. But doesn’t this beat the entire purpose of the homework! Why are children given so much work anyway?

Well, as the experts suggest, there are several reasons why the children are given homework for kindergarten and why they should be doing it themselves. Some of them being:

• For the teacher to evaluate, how much an individual child has grasped whatever is being taught
• For the children to put in efforts and asking questions to parents or teachers for better understanding
• Helping the children learn qualities like independence, self-sufficiency and time management
• Repetition within a time frame helps the child remember the learning for a longer time

With those benefits, you may be wondering, how you can help your child without doing it for them. There are several ways of getting your child to do their homework for kindergarten , some of which are listed below –

• Identify the best location for doing the homework
• Not every child has the same attention span and playing habits. Hence, it is essential to identify a place they are comfortable in and have minimum distractions. This location should be their oasis when they are doing their homework and have no distractions like TV, kitchen or the playground where they can see other children playing.
• Plan a schedule that is acceptable to both you and your child
• Some children like to get over with their homework as soon as they are back from school and then enjoy their remaining day. Whereas others want to defer it to the last possible minute. Sit and have a discussion with your child about when will they like to finish their homework. It could be a time when one of the parents is around or after their playtime. Involving a child in decision-making helps get them interested and committed.
• Set policies around the homework time like fixing particular hours for the same. Also, creating incentivisation structures around these policies can make a child more motivated to spend their time doing homework.
• Once the place and the time are decided, it is essential to come up with some ground rule for both the child and parent. No TV or no phone calls. If the child finds this is going to be their time out with the parents, they may even look forward to homework time. Also, try to limit how many questions the child can ask you, while doing the homework, on a day. This will help them rationalise their demands and ask only relevant questions in a fun manner.

Let the kid be the responsible one

Homework time is your child’s time and make them responsible for it. For example, tell them they will get only the scheduled time for their homework, and they need to finish everything within that time.  If they waste time, they will have to go to school the next day with incomplete homework as their playtime is also important!

Be the support, not the crutch!

When your kid asks you questions, help them in a way that you don’t directly answer the question, instead let them figure it out for themselves. They will learn to use their logic and deduction abilities much better this way.

Handle anger with patience

However, planned it might be, there will be times when frustration and anger will come into play – either by the child or you the parent. In such situations, handle it patiently. Take a walk, wash your face, set a timer and return only after that time. Apologise to your child if you got angry and then start over. Your child will also learn to keep their anger in check, following your example.

These simple practices can alleviate the fear of homework amongst your kids and make them self-reliant and happy.

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Home / Expert Articles / Child Behavior Problems / School & Homework

“My Child Refuses to Do Homework” — How to Stop the Nightly Struggle Over Schoolwork

By janet lehman, msw.

For many parents, getting their kids to do their homework is a nightly struggle. Some kids refuse to do their homework. Others claim that they don’t have homework, but then the report card comes out, and you realize that their work was not being done.

So why is homework time so difficult? In my opinion, one of the major reasons is that it’s hard for kids to focus at home. Look at it this way: when your child is in school, they’re in a classroom where there aren’t a lot of distractions. The learning is structured and organized, and all the students are focusing on the same thing.

But when your child comes home, their brain clicks over to “free time” mode. In their mind, home is a place to relax, have a snack, listen to music, and play video games. Kids simply don’t view the home as the place to do schoolwork.

If the homework struggles you experience are part of a larger pattern of acting out behavior, then the child is resisting to get power over you. They intend to do what they want to do when they want to do it, and homework just becomes another battlefield. And, as on any other battlefield, parents can use tactics that succeed or tactics that fail.

Regardless of why your child won’t do their homework, know that fighting over it is a losing proposition for both of you. You will end up frustrated, angry, and exhausted, and your child will have found yet another way to push your buttons. And, even worse, they will wind up hating school and hating learning.

A major part of getting your child to do their homework lies in establishing a system so that your child comes to see that homework is just a regular part of home life. Once they accept that, you’ve already won half the battle. Accordingly, my first few tips are around setting up this system. If you get the system right, things tend to fall into place.

Put this system in place with your child at a time when things are calm and going well rather than during the heat of an argument. Tell your child that you’re going to try something different starting next week with homework that will make it go better for everyone. Then explain the system.

You’ll find that this system will make your life easier as a parent, will make you more effective as a parent, and will help your child to get the work done. And when your child gets their work done, they’re more likely to succeed, and nothing drives motivation more than success.

Structure the Evening for Homework

When your kids come home, there should be a structure and a schedule set up each night. I recommend that you write this up and post it on the refrigerator or in some central location in the house. Kids need to know that there is a time to eat, a time to do homework, and also that there is free time. And remember, free time starts after homework is done.

Homework time should be a quiet time in your whole house. Siblings shouldn’t be in the next room watching TV or playing video games. The whole idea is to eliminate distractions. The message to your child is, “You’re not going to do anything anyway, so you might as well do your homework.”

Even if your child doesn’t have homework some nights, homework time should still mean no phone and no electronics. Instead, your child can read a book or a magazine in their room or work on longer-term assignments. Consistently adhering to the homework time structure is important to instill the homework habit.

Start the Evening Homework Habit When Your Kids are Young

If your children are younger and they don’t get homework yet, set aside quiet time each evening where your child can read or do some type of learning. Doing so will help children understand that evening quiet and study time is a part of everyday home life, just like chores. This habit will pay off when the real homework begins.

Use a Public Place for Homework

For a lot of kids, sending them to their rooms to do their homework is a mistake. Many children need your presence to stay focused and disciplined. And they need to be away from the stuff in their rooms that can distract them.

You know your child best. If you think they’re not being productive in their room, then insist they work at the kitchen table or in some other room where you can monitor them and where there will be fewer distractions.

If they do homework in their room, the door to the room should be open, and you should check in from time to time. No text messaging, no fooling around. Take the phone and laptop away and eliminate electronics from the room during study time. In short, you want to get rid of all the temptations and distractions.

Give Breaks During Homework Time

Many kids get tired halfway through homework time, and that’s when they start acting up. If your child is doing an hour of homework, have them take a 5-minute break every half-hour so that they can get up, have a snack, and stretch their legs. But don’t allow electronics during the break—electronics are just too distracting.

Monitor the break and ensure that your child gets back to work promptly.

Be sure to encourage your child when they’re discouraged. It’s okay to say things like:

“I know it’s a drag, but think of this—when you get your work done, the rest of the night is yours.”

“Look, if you do your work all week, you’ll have the whole weekend to do what you want.”

Show your child empathy—how many of us truly enjoyed homework every night? It’s work, pure and simple. But your child will be encouraged when they begin to have success with their work.

Help Your Child Get Started With Their Homework

Some kids have a hard time getting assignments started. They may be overwhelmed or unsure where to begin. Or the work may seem too difficult.

There’s a concept I explain in The Total Transformation® child behavior program called hurdle help . If you have a child who has a hard time getting started, spend the first five minutes with them to get them over the first couple of hurdles. Perhaps help them with the first math problem or make sure they understand the assignment.

For many kids who are slow starters, hurdle help is very effective. This doesn’t mean you are doing their homework for them—this is simply extra help designed to get them going on their own.

Help Your Child Manage Long-Term Assignments

If your child has a big, long-term project, then you want to work with them to estimate how much time it’s going to take. Then your child has to work within that time frame. So if your child has a science project, help them manage and structure their time. For instance, if the project is due in 30 days, ask them:

“How much time are you going to spend on it each night?”

They might say, “15 minutes a night,” and you hold them to that.

Don’t assume that your child knows how to manage their time effectively. As adults, we sometimes take for granted the habits we have spent a lifetime developing and forget that our kids are not there yet.

Make Sunday Night a School Night

The way that I structure the weekend is that Sunday night is a school night, not Friday. So if your child has homework for the weekend, and as long as they’re done all their work for the past week, they get Friday and Saturday night off and can do their homework on Sunday night.

If there’s a project or something big to do over the weekend, then work with your child to budget their time. They may have to put some time in on Saturday or Sunday during the day. But other than that, your child should have the weekend off too, just like adults do.

The Weekend Doesn’t Begin Until Overdue Work Is Done

If your child has overdue homework, their weekend shouldn’t begin until those assignments are done. In other words, Friday night is a homework night if their week’s work is not complete.

Believe me, this is a highly effective consequence for kids because it creates a great incentive to get their work done. Indeed, each minute they’re doing homework is a minute they could be hanging out with friends or playing video games.

If you can hold to this rule once and deal with the complaining, then next week the homework will be done.

By the way, if they say they can’t do their homework because they didn’t bring their school books home, they should be grounded for the weekend. You can say:

“I don’t want to hear that you can’t do it because you don’t have your books. You’d better call around and find a friend who you can borrow them from. Otherwise, you’ll be staying in this weekend.”

Make Homework a Higher Priority Than Activities

Kids are involved in a lot of after school activities these days. I understand that. But my priority has always been “homework comes first.”

In my opinion, if the homework isn’t done on Monday, then your child shouldn’t go to football on Tuesday. It’s fine if he misses a practice or two. You can say:

“Here’s the deal. We’re not going to football today. You need to get your work done first.”

If your child says, “Well, if I miss a practice, I’m going to get thrown off the team,” You can say:

“Well, then make sure your work is complete. Otherwise, you’re not going to practice. That’s all there is to it.”

I personally don’t put football, soccer, or any other extracurricular activities above homework and home responsibilities. I don’t believe parents should be going from soccer to karate to basketball with their kids while homework and school responsibilities are being neglected.

Use Rewards for Schoolwork, Not Bribes

Most kids get personal satisfaction out of getting good grades and completing their work, and that’s what we’re aiming for. Nevertheless, it’s important to reinforce positive behavior, and that may mean offering an incentive for getting good grades. For instance, my son knew that he would get a certain reward for his performance if he got all B’s or above. The reward was an incentive to do well.

One of the shortcuts we take as parents is to bribe our kids rather than rewarding them for performance. It can be a subtle difference. A reward is something that is given after an achievement. A bribe is something you give your child after negotiating with them over something that is already a responsibility.

If you bribe your child to do their homework or to do anything else that is an expected responsibility, then your child will come to expect something extra just for behaving appropriately. Bribes undermine your parental authority as kids learn that they can get things from you by threatening bad behavior. Bribes put your child in charge of you.

The appropriate parental response to not meeting a responsibility is a consequence, not a bribe. A bribe says, “If you do your homework, I will extend your curfew by an hour.” In contrast, a consequence says, “If you don’t do your homework, you’re grounded until it’s finished.” Never bribe your kids to do what they’re expected to do.

Use Effective Consequences

When giving consequences, be sure they’re effective consequences. What makes an effective consequence? An effective consequence motivates your child to good behavior. They put you back in control and teach your child how to problem-solve, giving your child the skills needed to be successful.

An effective consequence looks like this:

“If you fall below a B average, then you can no longer study in your room and must study at the kitchen table until you get your average back to a B.”

For the child who prefers to study in their room, this is an effective consequence.

Another effective consequence would be the following:

“If you choose not to study during the scheduled time, you will lose your electronics for the night. Tomorrow, you’ll get another chance to use them.”

And the next day, your child gets to try again to earn the privilege of electronics. Short-term consequences like this are very effective. Just don’t take away this privilege for more than a day as your child will have no incentive to do better the next time.

For more on consequences, read the article on how to give effective consequences to your child .

Be Prepared to Let Your Child Fail

Failure should be an option, and sometimes you just have to let your child fail . Parents often do their kids a disservice when they shield them from the consequences of their actions. If your child chooses not to study enough and they get a failing grade, that’s the natural consequence for their behavior. And they should experience the discomfort that results from their behavior.

Let me be clear. If you interfere and try to get your child’s teacher to change their grade, your child will learn the wrong lesson. Your child will learn that if they screw up enough, Mom and Dad will take care of them. And they don’t learn their math or science or whatever it is they failed.

To be sure, failing is a hard lesson, but it’s the right lesson when your child fails. And it’s not the end of the world. In fact, for many kids, it’s what turns them around.

Don’t Fight with Your Child Over Homework

Don’t get sucked into arguments with your child about homework. Make it very clear that if they don’t do their homework, then the next part of their night does not begin. Keep discussions simple. Say to your child:

“Right now is homework time. The sooner you get it done, the sooner you can have free time.”

Say this in a supportive way with a smile on your face. Again, it’s important not to get sucked into fights with your child. Remember, you don’t have to attend every argument you’re invited to. If your child refuses to do his or her work, then calmly give the consequence that you established for not doing homework.

Also, trying to convince your child that grades are important is a losing battle. You can’t make your child take school as seriously as you do. The truth is, they don’t typically think that way. To get your child to do homework, focus on their behavior, not their motivation. Rather than giving a lecture, just maintain the system that enables them to get their work done. Often, the motivation comes after the child has had a taste of success, and this system sets them up for that success.

Stay Calm When Helping Your Child With Their Homework

It’s important to be calm when helping your child with their homework. Don’t argue about the right answer for the math problem or the right way to do the geography quiz. If you get frustrated and start yelling and screaming at your child, this sets a negative tone and won’t help them get the work done. It’s better to walk away than it is to engage in an argument, even when you’re just trying to be helpful.

For couples, it may be that one of you is more patient and acceptable to your child. Let that person take on the homework monitoring responsibilities. And don’t take it personally if it isn’t you.

Remember, if you can’t stay calm when helping your child, or if you find that your help is making the situation worse, then it’s better not to help at all. Find someone else or talk to the teacher about how your child can get the help they need. And try not to blame your child for the frustration that you feel.

It’s Your Child’s Homework, Not Yours

Remember that your child is doing the homework as a school assignment. The teacher will ultimately be the judge of how good or bad, correct or incorrect the work is. You’re not responsible for the work itself; your job is to guide your child. You can always make suggestions, but ultimately it’s your child’s job to do their assignments. And it’s the teacher’s job to grade them.

Know the Teachers and the Assignments

Build good relationships with your child’s teachers. Meet with the teachers at the beginning of the school year and stay in touch as the year progresses. Your relationships with your child’s teachers will pay off if your child begins to have problems.

And if your child does have problems, then communicate with their teachers weekly. If they’re not handing in their work on time, ask the teachers to send you any assignments that they didn’t get done each week. Many schools have assignments available online, which is a big help for parents. Just don’t rely on your child to give you accurate information. Find out for yourself.

The bottom line is that you want to hold your child accountable for doing their work, and you can only do that if you know what the work is. If you keep yourself informed, then you won’t be surprised when report cards come out.

Work with your child on a system to keep track of assignments. I recommend an old-fashioned paper calendar simply because we already have too many distracting electronics in our lives—experiment and use what works best for your child.

Finally, try to see your child’s teachers as your allies. In my experience, most teachers are dedicated and caring, but I realize that this isn’t always the case. So, for your child’s sake, do your best to find a way to work with their teachers.

If You Think Your Child Might Have a Learning Disability

Kids are expected to do some difficult work, and your child may struggle. If your child is having an especially hard time, talk with their teacher. Ask if it’s typical for your child to be struggling in this area.

In some cases, the teacher may recommend testing to see if your child has a learning disability. While this can be hard to hear as a parent, it’s important to find out so that you can make the necessary adjustments.

If it turns out that your child does have a learning disability, then you want to get an Individualized Educational Plan (IEP) set up with the school.

Most kids don’t enjoy homework, and for some, it will always be a struggle. Our children all have different strengths and abilities, and while some may never be excellent students, they might be great workers, talented artists, or thoughtful builders.

I have to admit that dealing with my son’s homework was one of my least favorite experiences as a parent. It was overwhelming at times. Often, I just wasn’t equipped to offer the help he needed.

Our son struggled with a learning disability, which made the work feel unending at times. My husband James was much better at helping him, so he took on this responsibility. But even with this division of labor, we had to make adjustments to our schedules, our lives, and our expectations to make sure our son did his homework as expected.

Life would be easier if all children were self-motivated students who came home, sat down, and dug into their homework without being asked. This is hardly the case, though. Therefore, you need to set up a system that is right for your child, and it’s going to be easier for some kids than for others.

We’re trying to raise our kids to be responsible and accountable for their homework. And we’re trying to avoid fighting with them over it every night. When I had parents in my office, I would take these concepts and show them how they could make it work for their families in their own homes. The families I worked with were able to turn the nightly homework struggle around successfully time and time again.

Related content: The Homework Battle: How to Get Children to Do Homework

Empowering Parents Podcast: Apple, Spotify

About Janet Lehman, MSW

Janet Lehman, MSW, has worked with troubled children and teens for over 30 years. A veteran social worker, she specializes in child behavior issues — ranging from anger management and oppositional defiance to more serious criminal behavior in teens. She is co-creator of The Total Transformation® Program , The Complete Guide To Consequences™ , Getting Through To Your Child™ , and Two Parents One Plan™ .

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Hello, my grandson recently moved with me from another state. He is currently in 8th grade (but should be in 9th). He basically failed the last 2 years and was promoted. I would say he is at a 6th grade level. It's a daily fight with him to do his homework. He won't even try. I know a lot of this is because no one has ever made him do his homework before. I thought he would just have to get in a routine of doing it. He's been in school for a month now and its a fight every single day after school. I have lost all the patience I had. I am tired of being a broken record and being the "bad guy". I don't want to give up on him and send him back to his mom, where I know he will never graduate. I have made so many sacrifices to get him here, but I am literally at my wits end with this. I knew it wasn't going to be easy but I didn't think it was going to be this hard.

My rule is homework after school. If he comes home and does his homework after school, it was easier for him to complete. That lasted a week and a half. Now, he just sits there and does nothing. Does anyone have any suggestions? I couldn't live with myself if I sent him back and he became nothing but a drop out. I know I am not one to have patience, and I am trying but at the same time, I am almost over it. I don't like going to bed crying and knowing that he is crying too. I am open to all suggestions. Please and thank you.

I'm so sorry you are facing these struggles with your grandson. We here from many caregivers in similar situations, so you're not alone in your frustration. We have several articles that offer helpful tips for managing these homework struggles, which can be found here: https://www.empoweringparents.com/article-categories/child-behavior-problems/school-homework/

We appreciate you reaching out and wish you all the best moving forward. Be sure to check back and let us know how things are going.

Jessicar Thank you for this article and strategies. I echo many of the frustrations expressed by other parents here, including my opinion (as an educator) that homework should not exist. I agree that teachers and parents are in a struggle about which adult is responsible for supporting the child in getting More homework done. The best thing for my son was a free "homework club" in fourth and fifth grade where a teacher monitored completion of homework. He has nothing like this in middle school so far. Where I really disagree with the article is about extracurricular activities. Kids need physical activity through sports! They need enrichment beyond academics through the arts, theater, music. Many families send their children to religious, language, and/or cultural programs after school. If I sat in school all day, I'd want to move my body and interact with others too. The solution is not removing extracurricular activities that are healthy or motivating or valued. The solution is for schools to limit homework. Given that there is still homework as a reality--I'd like advice on when to have child do homework AFTER sports or extracurricular activity. When is the best time for homework if the goal is to go to bed on time (in my house in bed around 9 pm)? Between extracurricular and dinner--when the kid is tired? After dinner? My child is in 7th grade and I still can't figure it out. What do others do/think?

I found school to be extremely boring, as a teen. Looking back I realize that I hadn't found the work challenging enough. Personally, I struggled with this all through high school. I was completely disinterested in school, as a result.

I noticed that there wasn't a section addressing situations where children, who are motivated by challenges, do poorly as a result of boredom.

I enjoy reading many of the articles; even those which don't necessarily apply to my current situations with my child. One never knows what obstacles or challenges one may come across. Thank you

Here's what I know. Correcting our children when their behavior is displeasing is what most parents focus on. Without a lot of explanation I'm going to try to get you to change your focus. All children have 4 emotional needs:

1. A sense of belonging

2. A sense of personal power

3. To be heard and understood

4. Limits and boundaries

Rather than focus on your child's behavior, focus on meeting these needs. Meet the needs, change the behavior. There a 25 ways to meet these needs. One of the most effective is to spend regular one-on-one time with your child doing what your child wants to do. How do you spell love? T-I-M-E. It seems counter-intuitive, but just try it for a week. Do this for 1/2 hour every day for a week. See what happens.

Frustrated Confused Parent, I went through similar challenges with my son when he was in high school. As a grade school student his grades were always B and higher. The changes began when his mother and I separated; my son was 12yo. Prior to our separation I was the one who maintained, and enforced the habit of completing his assignments before extracurricular activities could be enjoyed. His mother never felt she had the patience or intelligence to assist him with his homework assignments and upon our separation she completely ignored his school work. Although he continued to follow the structure I had established through grade school, he soon began to realize that no one was showing interest any longer and, thus, began shirking school related responsibilities. My son and I were, and still are, close. I am certain that the separation likely had some affect on him, but it was more than that. He was reaching his teens and becoming more self-aware. Friends began to play a more integral and influential part in his life. Unfortunately my son's grades began slipping as he reached his early teens. For me, this was extremely frustrating since I was aware of how intelligent he was and of what he was capable. After many aggravating, lengthy, heated, and unyielding conversations with his mother about maintaining the structure established through grade school, it became clear she was incapable or simply unwilling. Essentially, he was on his own. Of course I would do whatever I could to help. For starters, I facilitated a transfer to a Charter School, realizing that he needed more individualized attention than that which a public school could provide. It seemed as though he was getting 'lost in the shuffle'.

Unfortunately the damage had already been done. After two years under his mother's lack of tutelage my son had developed some poor habits.

He struggled with maintaining good grades throughout his high school career. By 'maintaining good grades' I mean that he would take a grading of 45 in math and bring it to a 70 within three weeks of the end of a marking period. He ALWAYS passed, though. He would somehow get his grades to or even above passing by the end of the period. As I began to see this, I began to have more faith knowing that when the going got tough he would step up and take charge. It also indicated that he did well with what might perceive as an impossible goal. So, I started to have faith that he'd find his way.

He has since graduated, he has a good-paying job, and he is beginning school to become an electrician within the next month or so. In two weeks he moves into his own apartment, also. He's never done drugs, never drank alcohol, and never started smoking cigarettes. All of which I have done as a teen and well into my adult years. I am in recovery. My son is aware of my own struggles. Most importantly, I believe, is that he has a complete understanding that we all struggle in our own ways. Working through the difficulties, challenges, and obstacles are what makes us stronger and it's our compassion for others, and ourselves, which help us grow into decent adults.

I came to realize that the 'grades' he received in school had nothing to do with the amazing adult he's become; it was literally everything else.

NanaRound2 My 6 year old grandson has just taken 2 hours to write a list and write 3 sentences. He thinks if the words were shorter it wouldn't take so long. Already went through this with his dad. I celebrated more than he did when he graduated. Can't drag More another kid through school. Losing my mind and like the previous comment have tried EVERYTHING.

Yeah -been there, done that. Doesn't work. At least not for my child. I've read every *actual* parenting book out there ( You know, the books publishes by Harvard & Stanford professors who've been studying parenting and child psychology for the past 30 years?) ... and you're all missing something - because I've tried it all.

My kid DGAF. This was almost painful to read. "oh, yup - tried that one. That one too. Oh, hey - I've tried that as well."

This is so frustrating; tell me something I haven't already tried 50 times.

Psych Fan I'm with you my sophomore son DGAF . I tried so much stuff even set time stuff and he just doesn't go get his work out. He's 5'9 so I am 5'1 and I can't move him to do stuff . All he does is debate with me that More Grades really don't matter that he's like I'm just going to get D's because I'm not going to care to do better because I do not like school. He doesn't understand why I don't approve of D grades because I know he has better potential but he's like D grades I will pass and get my diploma .

The first thing on the list is to try and stay calm. While doing homework with my children I'm usually very calm. When I do get frustrated I'll leave the room for a moment, wash my face, and take a few deep breaths until I calm down. Or I'll make hot chocolate to help calm my nerves. It's not a perfect system, but what is?

Number two is to set clear expectations around homework time and responsibilities. We have a standard homework time at our house, with a timer and everything. If our kids meet the homework time goal they'll be rewarded later in the evening with family time. Each of our kids know their roles and responsibilities in the house whether the work gets done before dinner or not.

Number three is a relationship with the teachers, each of whom e-mail us, some two or three times a day. Contact with them has never been better. They're teachers are all pretty awesome too.

Number Four, play the parental role most useful to your child...I have three kids. One needs no help at all, one needs minor help and advisement, while the third requires constant supervision or their e-mail might 'accidentally' open up. This we've provided through double teaming. One parent works with them until the other gets home, then they switch while the other goes to make dinner.

Five, keep activities similar with all your kids. We all live on the same schedule, if one of them finishes homework early they get the reward of extra quiet reading time-my kids are ALL book worms.

Six, Set up a structured time and place for homework. Done. Homework table with a supplies basket right in the middle of the room. Big enough for all of them to work at and then some, it's an octagonal table which my husband built. I also always have their 'homework snacks' waiting for them when they get home, and I usually try to make it healthy-even if they don't realize it.

Seven, start early. My kids have been doing 'homework' with me since they were babies, and (as I pointed out to them yesterday) they loved it. We'd learn about cooking, dinosaurs, amphibians, insects, math, English, chemistry, even the periodic table came up. We'd do work pages every day and they'd love it.

Eight, hurdle help, works in area's like math, but not so much with history or English when the problems aren't as straight forward. But we do use this method where it applies.

Nine, choose the best person for the job. I'm best at English and my husband at math. When I get stuck on math I know who to go to, and I'll even study in my spare time to get better at it so I can be more useful in case he has to work late. That being said, we both devote a lot of our time to helping our kids with their homework.

Ten, show empathy and support. Done, not only can I relate to my kids, but I've pointed out that not getting their work done will make them feel bad bad enough, and that that's why we should work on getting it done together, so they have something to be proud of.

Use positive reinforcement and incentives. :) There was this one time I sat my son down at a table with a work book about 400 pages long. He was young, not even in school yet. Next to the book I placed a giant bag of M&Ms. I told him for every page he got done, he could have one m&m. About ten minutes later he finished the workbook and grinned up at me. When I found out he'd finished the book, I quickly checked it to see if it was done well, and then pushed the bag of M&M's towards him and told him he could just have it...Now they get rewarded in video games and computer time...

It seems that according to this article I'm doing everything right...So why is my child still struggling with homework/classwork? They've literally just refused to do it. Have seriously just sat in their chair without saying a word and stared at the table, or desk, or screen- as the majority of work is now done on computers...I'll sit with them, ask them if they need help, try to help them with problems. They will tell me the right answer to the questions being asked and then refuse to write it down. I feel like I've done everything I can as a parent to help them, but despite all my efforts, it isn't working. So...when all of these things fail, when a parent has done everything right, and there is nothing more they can do short of taking the pen or pencil into their own hands and doing it themselves, (but that would be cheating their child out of an education) what then should the parents do?

When our kids don't get their homework done before dinner, they're sent down the hall where it's quiet so they can finish it at the desk there, while the other kids have family time. They are told to come and get us if they really need help after that. But at this point it's like ostracizing our child for not doing homework.

I agree with most of what's on this page, and our family lifestyle reflects that, but I will disagree with one thing it said. It is our job to help our kids and be supportive of them yes, to nurture them and help them get the skills they need to take care of themselves and their home when they're older...but it is not our job to do the teachers work for them, they get paid for that. Some days it seems like that's what's expected of parents. Some even send home classwork if the kids don't finish it in class. Which means the child now has even more work to do on top of their homework. Though I understand that the teachers want the child to finish the lesson, and were the homework not a factor I probably wouldn't mind it as much. I don't even mind them sending home study guides to help kids before tests (Which is what homework was originally) but to send home overwhelming piles of work each night for parents to help kids with, (Each child with different homework so that parents need to bounce from history, to math to English) it's unreasonable. When teachers send home homework, they're dictating what the parents can do with the little time they have with their child. Which is wrong. We once had to cancel a trip to a science museum because our child had too much homework to finish and there was no way to make it in time and get their homework done. They could have had an amazing educational experience which would overall help them get excited about learning with new and fun tactile experiences, but their schedule (and therefore our schedule) was being dictated by the teacher while they weren't even in class. Of course I try not to talk bad about homework in front of my children, because that would make it even more difficult to get them to do it. But children NEED family time, they NEED to be kids. To be allowed to get away from their work and be themselves, to go outside and play with their friends, or even go out to dinner once in a while with their parents. Homework has made it difficult to grow a relationship with our children beyond the confines of what the teachers are dictating. It's violating in some ways and frustrating in others. It's grown into this monstrous thing which it was never meant to become, and the funny part about it is that most studies done on it show that schools who don't have homework have higher test scores and graduation rates. Not to mention better mental health rates. Studies also show, that after a child is taught something, they'll only really learn it after a good nights sleep, and that no amount of homework will change that. Sleep is what our bodies need to absorb important information we learn throughout the day, so staying up late with homework might even be harmful to a child's education...

Sorry I guess that turned into a bit of a rant...In the end I was hoping to find something useful in this article, something I hadn't tried that might work, but I've done it all, and will probably continue to do all of it in hopes that consistency might be the key...It's just that even after years of already doing All of this consistently, it's still not working. It's as if my child has made a conscious decision Not to work. He's not unintelligent, he understands it, he's even been tested and found to have an above average ability to learn. He just not doing it..So what now? What more can I do to actually inspire him to do the work?

AshumSmashum Out of all of this, most of which I've read and tried a billion times, your comment hit deeper. My son scores in the 99% on tests but cannot sit down and do the simplest homework. He does have autism and adhd so when he freezes up on homework, despite More knowing it, I'm lost at how to help him get it done. He knows the work so why does he need to show it with 20 math problems after school that take forever to complete one? (whatever honors algebra stuff he's in, I was lucky to learn division lol) He has a high IQ and excels in all subjects and yet is being tutored, so far, in English just to get the work done. I'm so done with the emotional toll it takes on me and him at home. Nobody wants to go to work for 8 hours and come home and do the same for another 5 so why do we think our kids want to come home and do more classwork? I'm so appreciative of your comment!

JC Hi Barb, thank you for bringing this up! My son sounds a lot like you...and he really wants to get good grades and go to an Ivy League school. What could someone do to help an 8th grader in the moment of struggle, while making sure they don't get more More anxious from falling behind for the rest of the year?

Tb Hi Barb, I'm the parent of an 8th grader and I want to thank you for the comment you left here. You helped me look at the deeper issues and I really appreciate that. I'm going to approach the conversation with my son differently, thanks to you. Thank More you!

My 11 year old daughter, Alice, has always helped her 7 year old sister, Chole, with homework. But just recently Alice has been giving Chole the wrong answers. We have been trying to get her to give Chole the correct answers

but she always yells at us. She has a baby sister 2 months named Ray and ever since Ray was born she has been giving Chole wrong answers. I once overheard her and Kevin, my husband, talking about how she felt left out. She came and talked to me and said exactly what she had told Kevin. She also told me she has been getting bad grades and doesn't get her homework. Me and Alice talked and she said "All the cool New York girls get straight A's and ever since I started getting D's and F's they said I wasn't cool anymore." We started having her grandparents come over and she would yell, hit, scream, and talk back to them. She is a great student but she spends all of her time on her phone. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, and even at school she is on her phone. All I'm asking is that 1. How do I make her stop screaming, yelling, hitting, and back talking? 2. How do I make her feel cool and get A's again?and 3. How do I get her off her phone?

sounds like you have a number of concerns around your daughter’s behavior, and

it certainly can feel overwhelming. We would suggest https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/its-never-too-late-7-ways-to-start-parenting-more-effectively/ and focusing on just one or two of the most serious, to get

started. Behaviors like verbal or physical abuse would be of top priority,

while behaviors like https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/how-to-walk-away-from-a-fight-with-your-child-why-its-harder-than-you-think/ we would recommend ignoring, and not giving it any power or control.

Empowering Parents author Sara Bean offers some great insight into the reason

for poor child behavior in her article, https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/the-surprising-reason-for-bad-child-behavior-i-cant-solve-problems/.It sounds like your daughter is struggling to

find more effective ways to solve the problems she is facing, and the result is

the acting out behavior. Keep in mind, you can’t make your daughter do anything, but what you can do is help her to

learn better tools to solve whatever problems may come her way. Best of luck to

you and your family as you continue to work on this.

Emma Reed Alice also swears at school and she swears to teachers. Please we have tried everything, even her sister at age 18. What have we done wrong?

Being away from loved ones when they are struggling can be

distressing. It may help to know that it’s not unusual to see changes in

behavior as kids move from the tweens into adolescence, as Janet Lehman

explains in the article https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/adolescent-behavior-changes-is-your-child-embarrassed-by-you/. Normally responsible

kids can start to push back against meeting expectations and disrespect towards

parents and other authority figures can become quite common. The behavior you

describe isn’t OK; it is normal though. I can hear how much you want to help

your daughter and granddaughter

work through these challenges. If your daughter is open to it, you could share

some Empowering Parents articles with her, such as the one above and this one, https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/my-childs-behavior-is-so-bad-where-do-i-begin-how-to-coach-your-child-forward/.

We appreciate you writing in. Best of luck to you and your family moving

forward. Take care.

mphyvr Thanks for all these "strategies", they might work for some parents, but quite simplistic and just plain old common sense for more defiant kids... Thanks anyways and hope this article helps many.

Psych Fan I'm a mom of a sophomore he's also a swearing boy and will have quite a tantrum even with consequences of take away all he does is sleep. He doesn't like school says school is a waste of time and that grades won't matter in his adulthood . He says More it over n over about how schooling won't help him in the future as I go it will help you do good on a ACT and SAT he is like getting good scores on those are only good if your going to college. He also is like jobs won't look at my grades . I tell him homework teaches him responsibility once a job sees your amount of effort in school your going to have a heck of time getting hired. I even ask him how is he going to succeed to work real well at a job when he doesn't work hard at school he goes I don't need to work hard at school but I will need to work hard at a job.

dcastillo68 If it was only this simple, but, in reality it is not.  Middle school syndrome is the worst.  Kids don't want to be labeled as nerds so they do everything to try to fail.  I went through that with my first born, and now again with my youngest.  It is More very frustrating when I was the total opposite when I was growing up.  I cared about my grades an I took it for granted thinking they will feel the same way.  Now seeing how they are happy with just getting by is really frustrating to me because I am such an over achiever.  They didn't even get an ounce of this.  Very very frustrating.  And I wish I have never invited video games to this household.  That is all they want to do.  I keep using this an incentive to bring them back on track, but as soon as I give them their games back, they are back to their old habits.  Sorry, but I can't wait until they are finished with school and hopefully moving out of state to hopefully a college career.  I may change my mind later, but at the moment, this is just how I feel.  It is very hard too when you don't get any help.  I find today's teacher to be lazy and pushing on more responsibility to the parents.  Who has time to do a full day's of work, only to do additional work at home?  okay, enough venting.

@frustrated single dad Diane Lewis Hi there - I have a son adopted out of foster care.  He is 6 1/2 and has been in 5 homes.  He is totally the same!  They learn this behavior and are incredibly manipulative.  They are so insanely smart.  I worry about exactly the same thing.  They turn on and off the behavior depending on who they are with and what they want.

We did Parent Child Interactive Therapy (PCIT) at the Mailman Center (Jackson Hospital Miami).  It made a huge difference in the short-term.  They basically taught us to be full-time behavioral therapists with my son.  The effects wore off after a few months as my son adapted and found ways to circumvent the consequences techniques taught to us.  He is like the Borg!  I am going back to get more ideas on how to adapt and change and stay one step ahead of my son.  The gals there are really smart!

So, that being said - we have to be Jean Luc Picard and constantly change and adapt and outsmart them - just like changing the phasers on a laser gun!  It is bloody hard work.  And, harder the older they get -

eg.  He drops like a dead weight - throws his book bag and will not get in the car to go to school - response - next morning I headed it off by calling out to the kids "LAST ONE IN THE CAR IS A ROTTEN EGG!"  This has worked for 2 days now.  

Wont do homework 2 nights ago - response - "ooh I like doing word puzzles - Im going to do them and win" - this worked one night but not the next - he just then just left me to do his work - so I have told his teacher that there will be no school party for Alex next week unless he gets his homework finished - we will see if this works.....

It is totally exhausting and you have to be on your A game all the time.  Im telling you this but - I have to tell myself this too.  We have to stay really fit (like cross fit) and work out like a marine.  We have to be very disciplined with ourselves - a healthy body is a healthy mind - we cannot let up at all.  We have to stay calm at all times (again self discipline).  

Im always looking for concrete reactions to situations with my son.  Like I said - the entire day goes on like this with everything except what he wants to do.  Wont get dressed in the morning - put out his clothes in dining room where there are no distractions or toys - tell him that if he gets dressed and ready for school quickly - he can spend the left over time on the trampoline.  That worked this morning.

STAY STRONG MY BROTHER IN ARMS!!!  If you can get into a PCIT program - do it.

Love to you - R

My child comes home and says he doesn't have homework, does something easy to make it look like he's doing his homework, or says he did it during free time in class.  How do you combat this without going to the school everyday?  Neither my husband nor I can do More this because of work, and the we asked the teacher's if it was possible to send us the assignments via email or let us come pick them up once a week with no cooperation.  He is a very smart kid and gets "A's' on the work he does, but he is failing all of his core classes because he won't do homework.

@atmywitsend  , my child is the same way.  I'm at my wits end.  I feel like I'm a failure as a parent because I thought I taught my smart kid to succeed - and instead she's lying to me.

Psych Fan NinaMays I'm with the same feelings as my son can be above a C student but he choose to go oh I rather just get F's on this work than to actually get at least a B or A on these many assignments.. I ask him why he chooses F's More in many assignments when he could get a grade to bring his grades up and me telling me he's not being his full potential as by making him not do his work how can I truly believe he's going to be successful and he's like I have big brains . Then I'm like why not show me by doing your school work he goes I don't need do that and I show you of my big brains by telling you school isn't important. Telling me I am brainwashed. He is a sophomore in high school.

FRUSTRATED PARENT NinaMays This is my reality too - "relationship" with teachers is difficult when they won't co-operate with homework expectations, or follow up email - the schools complain that kids are on the internet - yet its them providing wifi passwords - so kids are playing in class - lying about More homework - and since I'm not in the class, I have no idea until report cards surface.

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How to help children do homework without overwhelming them

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October 27, 2015, 5:44 PM

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How to get children to focus on their homework, how much homework help should parents give, parents, are you doing your child’s homework.

Ann Dolin, founder of Educational Connections Tutoring and author of “ Homework Made Simple: Tips, Tools and Solutions for Stress-Free Homework ,” offers advice on finding the balance between helping too much and not helping enough.

The former public school teacher advises parents to take it slow.

“Instead of trying to tackle everything at once, take an issue at a time,” Dolin says.

Parents have three options when their child is stuck on a problem.

“You can say, ‘Here’s how you do it honey, solve this,’ or you can say, ‘This is your homework not mine, I already went to fifth grade.’” The third option is when you ask, “Is there an example in your book or is there a similar problem in your notes?”

Dolin says the third choice is always the best approach: “It works with just about any problem your child faces.”

Don’t micromanage

Don’t become helicopter parents by trying to micromanage your child’s homework. It won’t help you or your child.

“If you say, ‘This is how you do it,’ your child will inevitably say, ‘Well that’s not how Mrs. Brown told us to do it,’” Dolin says. On the contrary, “If you say, ‘This is your homework not mine,’ your child might feel dejected and could give up without really persevering.”

Instead, Dolin says to encourage your child to seek out examples. This encouragement will foster resilience in the future when he or she gets stuck on homework.

So how much should you be involved?

“When kids are young, first, second, third grade, they’re just going to need more hand-holding because they don’t yet have the fortitude to start and finish homework without some adult guidance,” Dolin says. “But by fourth grade or so, a good rule of thumb is to help your child get started, and then to walk away and let him or her know that you’ll be in the other room if help is needed.”

Set boundaries

Although you want your child to be independent with their homework, you also don’t want them to be distracted. Setting appropriate boundaries will help accomplish this.

Dolin uses the term “Super Bowl kids” to describe children who toil with an assignment for hours when it should take less than an hour. She attributes this extra time to technological distractions.

“You always know when you walk by your child and all of a sudden, whoop, the screen is minimized very quickly into the corner,” she says.

One way to prevent distractions is to place the computer in a public place, that way you can monitor what your child is doing.

Dolin also suggests using a timer and setting it for 10-20 minutes at a time.

“They [kids] often do far better in short bursts of time than long, drawn out periods of time,” she says. “Setting a start time in terms of when homework should actually start — which is usually before dinner — is always a very positive first step.”

Focus on the process

Similar to how life is a journey, not a destination, Dolin says it’s important to focus on the process over the product.

“So often, we want A’s, we want B’s and we’re focusing more on grades, and you really need to take a step back and think, ‘Okay, what does my child need to get there?’”

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How to help your kids with homework (without doing it for them)

Parents are a child’s first and most important teachers . Parent involvement in their child’s learning can help improve how well they do in school. However, when it comes to helping kids with homework, it’s not so simple.

While it’s important to show support and model learning behaviour, there is a limit to how much help you can give without robbing your child of the opportunity to learn for themselves.

Be involved and interested

An analysis of more than 400 research studies found parent involvement, both at school and at home, could improve students’ academic achievement, engagement and motivation.

School involvement includes parents participating in events such as parent-teacher conferences and volunteering in the classroom. Home involvement includes parents talking with children about school, providing encouragement, creating stimulating environments for learning and finally – helping them with homework.

Read more: What to do at home so your kids do well at school

The paper found overall, it was consistently beneficial for parents to be involved in their child’s education, regardless of the child’s age or socioeconomic status. However, this same analysis also suggested parents should be cautious with how they approach helping with homework.

Parents helping kids with homework was linked to higher levels of motivation and engagement, but lower levels of academic achievement. This suggests too much help may take away from the child’s responsibility for their own learning.

Help them take responsibility

Most children don’t like homework. Many parents agonise over helping their children with homework. Not surprisingly, this creates a negative emotional atmosphere that often results in questioning the value of homework.

Homework has often been linked to student achievement, promoting the idea children who complete it will do better in school. The most comprehensive analysis on homework and achievement to date suggests it can influence academic achievement (like test scores), particularly for children in years seven to 12.

But more research is needed to find out about how much homework is appropriate for particular ages and what types are best to maximise home learning.

Read more: Too much help with homework can hinder your child's learning progress

When it comes to parent involvement, research suggests parents should help their child see their homework as an opportunity to learn rather than perform. For example, if a child needs to create a poster, it is more valuable the child notes the skills they develop while creating the poster rather than making the best looking poster in the class.

Instead of ensuring their child completes their homework, it’s more effective for parents to support their child to increase confidence in completing homework tasks on their own.

Here are four ways they can do this.

1. Praise and encourage your child

Your positivity will make a difference to your child’s approach to homework and learning in general. Simply, your presence and support creates a positive learning environment.

Our study involved working with recently arrived Afghani mothers who were uncertain how to help their children with school. This was because they said they could not understand the Australian education system or speak or write in English.

However, they committed to sit next to their children as they completed their homework tasks in English, asking them questions and encouraging them to discuss what they were learning in their first language.

In this way, the parents still played a role in supporting their child even without understanding the content and the children were actively engaged in their learning.

2. Model learning behaviour

Many teachers model what they would like their students to do. So, if a child has a problem they can’t work out, you can sit down and model how you would do it, then complete the next one together and then have the child do it on their own.

3. Create a homework plan

When your child becomes overly frustrated with their homework, do not force them. Instead, together create a plan to best tackle it:

read and understand the homework task

break the homework task into smaller logical chunks

discuss how much time is required to complete each chunk

work backwards from the deadline and create a timeline

put the timeline where the child can see it

encourage your child to mark completed chunks to see the progress made on the task

4. Make space for homework

Life is busy. Parents can create positive study habits by allocating family time for this. This could mean carving out one hour after dinner for your child to do homework while you engage in a study activity such as reading, rather than watching television and relaxing. You can also create a comfortable and inviting reading space for the child to learn in.

Melissa Barnes , Lecturer in the Faculty of Education, Monash University and Katrina Tour , Lecturer, Monash University

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article .

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10 Tips to Help Children Do Homework Independently

At Smartick , where we insist that children complete their 15-minute sessions independently, we have wanted to make a helpful list to prevent parents from losing the entire afternoon to homework.

• A specific place to do homework: It is not about all of us having a beautiful library where children, enveloped by an academic environment, do their homework. Keeping the size and characteristics of your house in mind, have a specific place for them to do their homework. It can be a table in the kitchen or living room or a desk in their room. But it always has to be the same space, with everything they need and them taking responsibility and knowing what they need. Parents should not be the ones that empty their backpacks and go looking for their homework.
• Routine : As with a place to do their homework, children should know that there is a determined time to do their homework. It is not when they feel like it, when they remember, or whenever. They need to know, for example, a good moment could be after their afternoon snack when they come home from school. In their place, at their time, and in a relatively calm environment. This doesn’t mean that they have to work in complete silence, but it would be reasonable to make sure that the TV or radio is not turned on or has the volume as loud as it can go. They need to realize that it is an important moment for concentration.
• Don’t begin with the most difficult tasks. Mental exercise is just like physical, it requires a bit of warm-up, which is why we shouldn’t begin with the hardest task.
• Take advantage to teach them how to work independently and love learning. An afternoon of homework can be a really beautiful moment for parents to explain things to their children, such as how to look up words in the dictionary or to use the time to talk to them and expand on the topics they are learning. Let them appreciate the time dedicated to learning and really take in what that means: the world will open up before their eyes in different ways, depending on the things that they discover. Which is what Smartick tries to convey with math.
• Use parent group chats in moderation . It is good to be able to talk to other parents in case someone’s jacket or books have been misplaced or to organize a birthday gift. But it should never become a child’s agenda or a problem-solving co-op for the whole class’s problems. Collaborative work is great for later on, but without parents acting as the ‘middle man.’
• Do not complain in front of your children. Yes, some homework assignments can seem a little absurd or that teachers don’t seem to understand that we as parents do not want to be doing our children’s homework. However, these are conversations to have away from your children, doing so in front of them would undermine the teacher’s authority. How would your child act towards them after hearing you speak poorly of their teachers?
• Use incentives . In an ideal world, your children would do their homework because it is beneficial to their learning, but that doesn’t always happen. There are many different variables that influence them and, while incentives work for some, such as having a soda over the weekend or some candy, punishment may work for others. There won’t be a half an hour of drawing if homework is not done; no time for computer games if homework isn’t finished, whatever you see fit.
• Independently: It is a reoccurring conversation between today’s parents: did our parents help us this much? And we shouldn’t help. There may be homework assignments that require help from a student’s parents, but that shouldn’t be the norm. Homework is done to review what they have learned in school, so that on their own they can learn more about countries, animals, etc. What do we achieve by helping them? This is the question we need to answer before sitting down with them, but at the same time make sure they know you are there in case they have a question.
• The ultimate threat . If all else fails and they don’t want to do their homework then very calmly, because that will work better than yelling, say ‘Alright then. I’ll write a note to your teacher now and tell them that you don’t want to do your homework.’ It usually works, but it is something that should only be used as a last resort.
• All of these tips can be summed up in the following: routine, calm, specific place, independence, and conveying that homework is important because it helps them learn. Everything else we will leave for parents to decide privately: if there are too many tasks, if the teacher isn’t selecting the right ones, or if the U.S. has more homework than other countries but performs worse on the PISA assessment.

Learn More:

• Should Homework Be Banned?
• How to Help Our Children with Their Homework
• 10 Mistakes Parents Make with Their Children’s Homework
• Mathematics, the Same as Sports
• No More Homework? A Texas Teacher’s Letter Goes Viral
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How to Help Your Kids with Homework Without Doing it for Them?

Parents are a child’s first and most important teachers. As parents, your involvement in your child’s education will help improve their performance in school. But providing help in terms of your child’s homework is a different matter, and it isn’t a simple one.

One way that teachers determine what their students have learned in class is through homework. Therefore, you should refrain from making these assignments yours. Children don’t feel good when they make mistakes and often, they feel bad about making mistakes.

When your child asks for your help, you can also tell them that you will be right over after finishing your chores. The longer you make your child wait, this will increase the likelihood that they will try to figure out the answer on their own.

The only downside to this is time management as your child might really wait until you’re done. If your child makes an honest effort but can’t figure the assignment out, make a note of this to their teacher.

For older an older student, like one in college, one of the biggest things they struggle with is the task of writing an essay. As a parent, you could be confused about this situation. So, just help your kid to find some inspiration from Edubirdie USA with the best tips from professional writers that really work. With these easy points, your child’s study process doesn’t get disrupted.

You can still pitch in but let your child be the leader. After your child finishes their project, they will feel accomplished. But if your child complains that they cannot complete a project, let them submit unfinished work. Let your child face the consequences. This is a very difficult decision but in the long run, it will be good both for your child.

You can also set up a conducive and comfortable reading space where your child can work in. Remember that your ability to support your child’s learning should go beyond their homework. Engage your child with discussions, read books to and with them, and offer them further opportunities for learning.

Being there is a supporting role you can assume, even without fully understanding the content of your child’s homework. Praising your child is part of this role. Even doing homework on the beach or somewhere equally relaxing becomes better when you give positive affirmation to your child when they accomplish their work.

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